Prayer for the SAT
Here is a powerful, non-denominational prayer for those who wish to do well on the SAT and SAT II Exams tomorrow. This can be recited aloud in the car on the way to the exam, or silently between sections.
On this occasion of my (first, second, third) sitting for the SAT exams, I beseech the Almighty College Board to look over me and protect me from mis-bubbling. Grant me the strength to avoid the Passive Voice in my essay. Give me the focus to remember the properties of an f(x) = ax² +bx + c function, as well as the meaning of paucity. May I stay awake through the Critical Reading section, even if I get a passage about the process of refining rice husks for Tibetan wax statues. Bless my #2 pencils and protect their points; let me be forever grateful that they are not #1s nor #3s. Save me from realizing at 4:00 AM on the morning of the test that I have left my TI-83 Calculator in the trunk of a friend’s car. O College Board, provide me with the will to resist temptation if my classmates invite me to spend the night before the exam partying in a hot tub, as came to pass in a recent episode of The Gossip Girls. (Kaplan 119:9, 16)
For those taking the U.S. History SAT II exam, add this silent meditation:
O College Board, Reward me for staying home on Halloween Eve by allowing me to recall the content of the 10th, 19th, 25th, 22nd and 18th Amendments. And, because I have been a good customer who has paid to take your mandatory, monopolistic exams over and over again, may I fovever comprehend the significance of Taft-Hartley Act.