Congrats to the all the seniors who finally have results. Readers have reported their kids’ acceptances to Harvard, Stanford, U-T Austin, Michigan, NYU, Evergreen, Northeastern, Wesleyan, Emory, BU, USC and even across the pond at St. Andrews and Oxford. And those are just the earlies and the ones who bothered to notify us.
Of course, for many students, getting into college is a piece of cake compared to paying for college. Some schools now charge $60,000 a year. And although most offer generous scholarships and financial aid packages, members of the middle class often find themselves in a FAFSA-resistant grey area.
One 18-year freshman has figured out a way to pay her tuition without going into debt. Instead of getting a loan or working as a barista, she is acting in adult films. The feminist/republican/libertarian/women studies major (never before have all those words been strung together) claimed that if her top-ten college had offered “…. the proper financial resources, I wouldn’t have done porn.” She finds porn empowering, she says, even though she was choked, kicked around, held down and spat upon in the very first scene she shot.
Belle Knox, the freshman porn star (no mere actors, everybody is a “star” in porn), created her stage name by combining the Beauty and the Beast Disney character with the alleged murderer Amanda Knox. After a classmate recognized “Belle” and word spread on campus, she chose to go public and now is the number-one googled teen on the internet, with more searches than the Pope or Justin Bieber. She has a publicist, 50,000 twitter followers, a paid internship at PornHub and a new line of sex toys, including molded replicas of her vagina. As a result of her self-launched media circus, she has had to endure hateful tweet-threats and public judgments about her decision. (Much of the hate evolved from the revelation that she was offered a full scholarship to Vanderbilt, which negated the logic about needing to do porn to pay tuition.)
But, never mind: Belle is on her way to a orgasmic full-ride for her tuition, and maybe even enough for law school, if the admissions committees forget to Google her.
Of course, the XXX world is not for everyone – in fact, there are still some old school feminists around who are disgusted by all this and long for the days of protesting swimsuit competitions in beauty contests. Even the new breed of “sex positive” feminists, who proudly call themselves sluts, prefer escorting and pole dancing because its easier to keep those off resumes and future country club applications. But for Belle, the toothpaste is now out of the tube and the vagina molds will live on in cyber perpetuity.
Luckily, not every student has to resort to porn. There are options that don’t require defending oneself to the ladies on the View. For the more modest, here are some other high-paying alternatives:
1) HAND MODEL – Belle has said that she earns ~$2000 per porn video, which sounds ridiculously low for exposure to all that dubious saliva…and beyond. Instead, she might think about a less exhausting hand modeling gig involving dazzling rings or classy tennis bracelets, paying up $10k a day. Bonus: unlimited no-chip manicures.
2) PENNY STOCK SALES - This worked for the Wolf. More regulated now, and the last of the Quaaludes have expired, so it’s all legal.
3) FREELANCE CEMETERY PLOT BROKER – Hot new field: Substantial profits in the resale/flipping of grave sites. Boomers are aging fast and are happy to do business with perky teens.
4) NATIONAL ENQUIRER TIPSTER - Hang out with celebs. Earn up to $50,000 for sharing info about twerks and other indiscretions. That’s right, nearly a year’s tuition for just one hot tip.
5) FASHION BLOGGER/IT GIRL – Belle would need a makeover and design counseling for this alternative, but cutting edge fashion blogs have become goldmines for many young women. Leads to the app and the book deal…and this is a book your parents can proudly display on the coffee table.
6) SAT TUTOR – $1100 a session to travel to the Hamptons, arguably less than a porn scene, but with a much lower risk of chlamydia.
Disclaimer: The Neurotic Parent normally doesn’t cover tabloid stories. But today’s post, albeit juicy and sensational, relates to the politics of financial aid, plus current dialogs in sociology, economics, neo-feminism as well as crotch replica marketing. And with some luck, it will result in increased traffic to this site, as well as more book sales. I hereby promise to donate a portion of the profits to media-hungry sex workers.