Shockingly, when I weighed myself after returning from our college tour, I discovered that I had lost two pounds in eleven days. I am pleased to share this cutting edge nutritional program with interested readers. In a nutshell, the secret is to eat like a college student and indulge in fatty or fried foods, candy and desserts all day long. Food choices should be items that you haven't eaten in 35 years and you would never consider ingesting at home. It also helps to travel with friends who start the day with waffles or a three-egg omelette. And immediately after eating, go up to your room and take a nap, or get into a minivan for a sedentary 4-hour ride across several states.
- Meatball Heros
- Hush Puppies
- Pizza (for breakfast)
- Pulled Pork
- Fried Rice
- Mashed Potatoes
- Five-course family-style pasta tasting
- Turkey sandwich on half a loaf of homemade rye
- CPK Chinese Chicken Salad (for the plane – put aside won ton chips, then eat them in a moment of weakness later in the flight.)
- Flight snacks: any 3-bag combo of Pita chips, Peanuts, Pretzels, SW Plane Crackers, Double-size M&Ms
- Car snacks: Brownies (stolen from the Wesleyan dining hall), Trail mix, Power Bars, Sunflower seeds
- Fish – Must be sauteed in butter and covered with cream sauce
- Salads – Order with dressing on the side; when it arrives smothered in dressing, don't send it back.
- Popeye Chicken Tenders (Road trips on the east coast just aren't the same without In 'n Out)
- Stella Artois on tap
- Free candy bars (thanks, WashU)
- Bananas Foster (thanks again, WashU)
No traditional aerobic activity, but it is essential to include a daily 2.5 mile stroll on a freezing or windy/rainy campus. Or from Concourse A to F in a large airport. It also helps to travel with an unhelpful teenager, who does not offer to lift your backpack, which should contain at least 45 pounds of college brochures.
I wish I could stay on this program now that I'm home, but unfortunately, the only foods that are available in my neighborhood are sashimi and kale.