Junior Kumon Offers Botox for Preschoolers

Goodbye bubbles, hello bubbling.  The NYT reported yesterday that there are now almost 40 Junior Kumon centers in New York, where two-year olds can begin prepping for the SAT exams they will take in the year 2027. 

The director of the Battery Park Center acknowledged that spaces in the class are hard to come by, but "…if they’re out of a diaper and can sit still with a Kumon instructor for 15 minutes, we will take them.”


As part of this program, we have discovered that Junior Kumon plans to offer preschoolers enrichment in other areas necessary for kindergarten acceptance:

- oboe lessons (most top kindergartens already have their quota of violinists)

- C++ and Python proficiency (with Java offered for those who stay after naptime)

- Calc II flashcards during snack (extra Goldfish crackers for those who master parametric equations)

- dissection of the class bunny (utilizing patented blunt-pointed surgical tools)

- singalongs to Rigoletto and Götterdämmerung

- Botox injections in the dress-up corner (for those unsightly pout lines)

One of the parents quoted in the NYT piece said that her "…children also take swimming, karate, music, art and German classes…but she would not think of giving up Kumon."  These kids do have to quit playing hide and seek, digging in the sandbox and eating Play Doh.  But hey, if you can't figure out the surface area of a prism by the time you're three, you might has well give up your chances of ever getting into MIT.



Junior Kumon Offers Botox for Preschoolers — 5 Comments

  1. I read the article too, and I’m thrilled you’ve clarified their curriculum. I’m just sorry my boys missed the bunny-dissection opportunity.

  2. The SAT will go the way of the AP. By 2027, no schools will even look at SATs!

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