College Essentials You Won’t Find at Bed, Bath and Beyond

Here’s a summer rerun originally posted on the HuffPo. Readers pointed out some must-brings that I left out. Please see the bottom of the list.

1. A decent mattress.
Forget the memory foam topper, feather bed and bed bug protector. Face it, no matter how many bedding enhancers you invest in, that saggy, smelly dorm cot will just never be comfortable. Instead, just spring for a brand new mattress, which will cost $89 compared to the $400+ needed to alter the yucky one in the dorm. But remember to get Twin XL. Even though kids manage to fit into normal-sized beds at home, the colleges have conspired with BB & B to scare you about the dire consequences of too-short sheets and force you to purchase all new bedding.

2. A pitch pipe
A capella competition is so fierce these days that your son or daughter will want to practice on the way to class.

3. Unlimited text plan
If your child has been sending 10,000 a day, he or she will now send 20,000. If you have a girl, you will be the lucky recipient. If you have a boy, look forward to one-word responses to your cheery questions, such as Yaaa.

4. Parking Permit
Much cheaper than a car. Can be bartered for free rides from all the students who have brought vehicles to campus but have nowhere to park.

5. Settlers of Catan
College students spend so much time playing this board game (a Germanic combination of Monopoly and Risk, but with sheep) that you will wish they would go back to playing video games.

6. “Find my iPhone” App
The most essential possession of them all. Just be sure that your kids know not to harrass the residents if the phone is located in a crack house.

7. Hot Pink Hair Dye
College students like to show their individuality, by going for the ombre-all-over/look… like everybody else.

8. Fake ID
Although highly fraudulent, it’s at the top of most students’ checklist, even above the shower caddy.

9. This phone number
To deal with the consequences of #8, the phone number of a local attorney.

10. A subscription to the Wall Street Journal
So students can keep track of all their high school friends who have dropped out of college after receiving seed money from angel investors.

Practical additions from HuffPo readers:

1. A dress up box – “Have two sons in college and
they always seem to be going to themed parties, so the
equivalent of the dress up box from nursery school would have
been a good thing to take.”

How could I have forgotten this? One of CJ’s first purchases was a Sponge Bob costume.

2. Rackraisers (for the daring) – “They appear to be out of stock everyplace I googled, but they raise the beds up to 25″ off the ground”

3. “Mosquito repellent if your child is heading east (it was a warm winter there). And as part of my new campaign to make the kid pay for more of his own stuff, I’m renting him out (only on weekends) to sleep in your son or daughter’s room — he’s a bit messy, but I can guarantee that his mosquito magnetism is so severe, that the annoying pests will never bite your child because they’ll be so happy biting mine.”

4. Insurance – “My son dropped his new MacPro off his loft bed in December, as he was packing to come home for break.”

Hmm…Maybe the Rackraiser comes with insurance.


College Essentials You Won’t Find at Bed, Bath and Beyond — 3 Comments

  1. Bail money if your kid is going to school in Florida where #8 is a felony.