The Neurotic Parent

Many admissions officers are not only good speakers, but also quite witty. Several started their information sessions with ice-breakers, and some with clever jokes. At GW, the presenter began by telling the group that admissions decisions had been sent out the day before. He was proud to let everyone know that the new class represented 48 states – and the admissions committee was still hoping to find students from the remaining two. He paused and then, with perfect timing, revealed that those two states were….Connecticut and New Jersey. This got a big laugh, because most of the people sitting in the room were from Connecticut or New Jersey. If you’re from one of those two states, you’re over-represented at GW.

So what were the two missing states? When the laughter subsided, the admissions officer revealed that they were Montana and North Dakota. He told the group that in case any of us were from either of those places, he would love to meet us after the session.

Yes, our whole college journey would be different if we lived in Big Sky Country or the Peace Garden State.  So, after much careful thought, we are seriously considering moving to North Dakota. (We actually prefer Montana, but Montana is on its way to becoming the new Colorado, which could end up being problematic admission-wise.)

So I dream of a new life in North Dakota, a life without college anxiety. As a North Dakota resident, CJ would have lots of choices. But what makes the move even more tempting is that once we sell our Southern California home, we would be in a better position to finance not just undergraduate school, but graduate school, business school, law school, medical school, a year abroad in Prague and multiple community service summers in Malawi.

And, best of all, CJ will have the perfect topic for his common app essay: how he had to adjust to a place with tornadoes, blizzards, quail hunting, furry coon hats and limited sushi. Plus, I’ve already checked, and the SAT tutors charge less for a whole course of study than our guy does for one lesson.

He’re a link for the Fargo home we’re thinking of buying – five bedrooms for $190,000, and I’m sure there is some flexibility in the price. Because I doubt we will be getting many visitors, CJ can have a whole room to store college brochures and I will have a separate office for my blogging.

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/1441-11th-Ave-S_Fargo_ND_58103_M72649-26739

Would appreciate hearing from readers in Fargo. Where is the closest Whole Foods? Are there mobile pet groomers? Is there a good Prius mechanic? Just let us know and we are on our way. But, please don’t tell anyone else about our strategy. This won’t work if North Dakota suddenly becomes the new Illinois.

My younger son (Brown ’16) is just an eighth grader, but thanks to me, he is already anxious about the college process.  Last night he asked, "Mom, how does a school become prestigious?" 

Good question. He sees his older brother getting mail every day from fabulous-sounding colleges that nobody has ever heard of.  Some of these fine schools even say they have scholarship money available for CJ, although they found him by purchasing a mailing list.

"Unfortunately," I told Brown,  " although there are more than 2300 colleges in the country, there are only seventeen that people want to attend." 

"How does a college get on that list?"  he asked.  "Strong academics?"

I explained that college prestige does not just come from strong academics; in fact, there are hundreds of schools where you can get a good education.  And, as commonly believed, not even the U.S. News and World Reports rankings are the real measure of a school’s status.

So I told my son the truth: It is "Vows", the New York Times Wedding Section, that determines the desirability of a college. Thousands of Times readers have graduated from college and gone on to get married.  But if you want the Times to report your wedding and you haven’t attended a school like Wellesley or Williams, good luck.  Occasionaly a Purdue grad manages to sneak in, but only if he or she is a member of the House of Representatives or the general manager of the American Ballet Theater. (See last week’s Sunday Times; even the circus clown who was featured went to Penn.)

I have sent the New York Times the Neurotic Parent Institute’s list of new Vow-worthy universities.  But for the time being, most college grads will have to send their wedding announcements to the Sacramento Bee.

Vanderbilt Student Union – Salad was a disappointment, but the cheeseburgers and fries got high ratings from the boys.

Rippy’s Smokin’ Bar & Grill – Nashville, TN – The best honky tonk bar of the trip.  Okay, it was the only honky tonk bar of the trip, but it still gets a thumbs up.  A friend had taken the time to fax me a travel piece from Gourmet Magazine with Nashville restaurant recommendations.  Sadly, I lost the fax.  I’m fairly certain this place was not written up in Gourmet, but it works if you’re up for a "Hog’s Sampler Platter".  We also liked the live bluegrass, and it was here that we met "Mr. Underpants", who provided material for a mildly-amusing running joke.

Magnolia Grill – Durham, NC – Asked our Duke freshman host where his parents eat when they come to visit.  He said that everyone’s parents eat at the Magnolia Grill, ranked 11th in "America’s Best 50 Restaurants" by, yes, Gourmet magazine.  The decor reminded us that we were in Durham rather than Berkeley, but the place was quaint in a foodie sort of way, with a celebrity chef and cookbooks for sale.  Then, disappointment: their grocery shipment had been delayed and they literally had run out of food. 

Blu Seafood Bar – Durham, NC – The folks at the Magnolia Grill sent us to Blu, where we had the amazing whole trout.  The place to go when Magnolia’s truck doesn’t show up.

Pauly Dogs – Durham, NC- A cart on the patio outside of the Duke student union, clearly an institution.  Even if you normally avoid hot dogs, these are excellent. Offerings include beef, turkey and veggie dogs with every imaginable topping, even crushed potato chips.