Desperate Cry for Help from a Reader

Dear Neurotic Parent,

I have enjoyed reading your blog for the last year, but it is not as fun for me any more because whenever I read it, all I can think about is how much we're spending for our daughter to study philosophy and Latin, two things she will never use in real life, at ________ (cool, prestigious liberal arts school.) 
Help!  Find us a grant or a scholarship.  $15,000 a year will help, but more will be appreciated.  This needs to be your new obsession.  You need to find some crazy loophole for money.  This is so you.  You've got to focus on this one. 
Everyone appreciates how funny and entertaining you are, but enough is enough.  I can't believe you haven't found some merit money for CJ yet.  I bet you have, and you're keeping it from us.  Please put your attentions to good use.
Your fan,
Dear XXX,
Thanks for your letter.  Just when I was all relaxed about the college process, you have elevated my anxiety to a new level.  I will get right on it.
Best regards,
The Neurotic Parent

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