Just received this report from a reader:
Setting: Columbia University Info Session
Chipper Admissions Dean: What makes a school an Ivy League school? What do we all have in common?
Eager Student: I know. I know. None of you give out any merit scholarships.
Chipper Admissions Dean (clearing throat): All of our admitted students have merit; therefore we only give out money based on financial need. The correct answer is football.