The Neurotic Parent

Yesterday at 3 PM the bell rang and the entire senior class squeezed onto an outdoor stage for a group hug.  Then they lit up cigars – not a very P.C. tradition (at the most P.C school on the planet), but symbolic nonetheless.  They may have had senioritis for the last 3 months, but now they can slack off as much as they want…they're done.

CJ didn't come straight home because he had also graduated from Traffic School this weekend and  had to deliver his certificate to the courthouse.  But my younger son BH (who experienced his own milestone yesterday – no more braces) brought home the yearbook – the best I have ever seen…so cool, with such cutting edge design, impressive illustrations and clever copy that I want to send CJ back for another four years to experience the studio art and creative writing classes he never signed up for. 

Laughing and crying as I went through the pages, I decided that we had indeed made an excellent choice in sending our kids to a quirky progressive school rather than to a more cookie cutter institution.  After all, it's the journey, not the destination (not that CJ's destination is too shabby).  I felt proud of my own son, but mostly in awe of the class as a whole…so many of them are already producing collectible art, important music and readable prose.  And those who are just normal kids still came up with entertaining, insightful and self-effacing "most likely to's" for themselves. 

- Most likely to spike the punch with lemonade

- Most likely to survive because of what he learned on the Discovery Channel

- Most likely to become Japanese

- Most likely to have gone through a phase of being your friend

- Most likely to beat up his opponent after losing in the semi-finals at the ping pong world championship

- Most likely to quote from "Friends" in her wedding vows

- Most likely to have a font named after him

- Most likely to have an overly suggestive senior page (photo shows student proposing to his history teacher)

- Most likely to owe more in alimony than student loans

- Most likely to teach her children the wrong colors

- Most likely to hit on your grandfather at graduation

These kids may not have memorized the Preamble to the Constitution, but they are ALL ready to work for Jon Stewart.  If CJ stays in touch with just a fraction of the Class of 2009, he won't need to make any connections in college because there is a creative energy in his midst that transcends college choice.

My one disappointment with the yearbook? CJ's senior photo is ridiculous. Another tradition in our progressive school – on par with the cigars – is to pose for a silly photo, the kind you would take in a photo booth.  (Somehow I never knew about this custom or saw the embarrassingly juvenile portrait of my son until yesterday, even though it's on his student I.D.)  So CJ's main yearbook photo shows him wearing a too-small baseball cap and holding a large….wooden fish.  Seven or eight of his close friends are also photographed with same nautical artifact, making funny faces.  This was their first stab at performance art, which has a time and a place, but in this case unfortunately was captured for posterity.   The Neurotic Parent fears that CJ's grandchildren will notice the random fish and the dumb baseball cap and come to a conclusion that their grandfather was a nutcase – or else just a really happy teen with many Friends for Life.

Q: So what school did CJ end up picking? Did I miss the decision in an earlier post?

A: If you can find me on Facebook, as one astute (Harvard-educated) reader did, I will reveal the name of the school.  Otherwise I have been instructed to wait and "tell all" in the book.

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Q: I have been trying to reach you on the gmail address, but my emails keep bouncing back.

A: Don't forget the "the":  theneuroticparent@gmail.com

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Q: I just read your blog. Hilarious! Please don't stop when you send CJ off to Dream school. I've got a 2010 and 2012 and would love to follow along with you and BH.

I want to subscribe but there seems to be a bug in the subscription link. Would you please check it out and let me know when it's fixed. (Or if the problem is my own user error.)

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A: Thanks for your kind words.  I emailed the nice folks at Typepad about this.  Here is their response:

"Hi there, Thanks for contacting us.  When I view the feed validator results, it looks like you are copying and pasting some content from another application, such as Word.  Microsoft Word's formatting code does not work well when merged with the Rich Text editor. Copying content from Word can cause formatting problems, error messages, and feed validation problems.  The code that is copied over into your posts when pasting from Word is the source of the issue with your feed. The issue with Microsoft Word formatting code is not unique toTypePad's Rich Text Editor. Any editor that copies over formatting will cause issues such as this – because the code that Microsoft Word inserts is not web-compatible."

Are they kidding – Microsoft Word is not kosher for bloggers – Who knew? Now they want me to go back and change all the posts I composed in incompatible formatting codes?!?  I would even have to replace the answer I just pasted above (from an email).  Sounds like a great summer project for a student intern.  No pay, but a great resume builder. 

Meanwhile, sorry about not being able to subscribe, but you can get to the blog easily by going to www.theneuroticparent.com  Don't forget the "the" or you'll end up at the blog of the parent of a toddler who is paranoid about germs.

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Q: Was the Oberlin story a fictionalized version of our story?  If not, it's a huge coincidence.  Several months after receiving big envelopes from 8 or 9 school and having resolved his Wesleyan/Oberlin debate, SFB (Smart, Funny Bohemian) was dragging his feet about writing a gap year request letter. I said I'd print out the mailing label for him and went into the envelope to see exactly to whom it should be addressed. There was an un-opened business size letter included among the various forms;  when I opened it there was his merit scholarship – but it was only for $32,000. Could always be more, but better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

A: "A poke in the eye with a sharp stick"?!?…You sound like you're from Ohio, not Beverly Hills! I do fictionalize info on this blog, especially about the the LACs, but the Oberlin story was NOT yours – It referred to a 2009 HS. graduate, not a 2008 gap year grad, like your son SFB.  I do now remember that you DID tell me that story.  Maybe everyone who gets into Oberlin finds a scholarship after coming to a decision.  There is something so beautiful about that, cosmically justifying teenage flakiness.

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Q: Help! Where should I stay for parents' day at Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota?  Everything is already booked!

A: Make sure you accept a spot on the waiting list of your top B&B.  Write an additional essay, and keep updating the innkeepers with news of any recent honors or awards you have won.  And above all, don't give up hope.  You will end up in the right place for you.