Scholarships for Descendants of the Almost Famous

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CJ asked me to proofread his UC app yesterday – what holiday fun!  Even though he has already been accepted to a school he loves, he has to apply to our state schools in case we lose all of our savings before September.

The UC's don't require teacher or counselor recs, or even a high school transcript until you get accepted.  Instead they expect the prospective students to enter a LOT of info – all their courses, all their grades, all their scores, two "personal statements" (aka essays), and many affidavits that prove you reside in the Golden State. 

A mom whose son is now at NYU told me she filled out the UC app for her son last year because he refused to, and she just wanted to see if he could get into Berkeley and UCLA.  She said it took five hours, not including forcing him to write two essays.

The app is somewhat user-friendly – it even "talks", giving you helpful hints if you get stuck - but considering it was probably produced by top engineering students, it's a technological nightmare.  It repeatedly times out and duplicate windows keep popping up, so if you change something you never know whether it has saved or not.   

CJ's application was in pretty good shape, but he had neglected to fill in the most important section: Scholarship Eligibilty.

Below are some of the grants listed on the app.  Can these be for real?  It doesn't matter.  Even if they don't pay for your kid to go to college, they're so wacky that at least they provide a diversion for harried parents who have to spend the night before Thanksgiving proofreading, when they really should be roasting brussels sprouts.

A partial list:

- Descendant of Confederate veteran of the Civil War

- Jewish orphan interested in studying aeronautics

- Descendant of Mayflower passenger

- Descendant of Alice Mara Tibbits, Elede Prince Morris or Rose Humann Rogers (and lots of other random names like these – Can someone explain to me how these work?  Do you know in advance that your Great Uncle Bernie started a scholarship, or are you pleasantly surprised to find one on the app?)

- Child or spouse of a member of the California League of Food Processors

- Chumash player on the Yuba City High School basketball team

Unfortunately CJ does not qualify for any of the scholarships listed above.  In fact he is probably the least likely kid in the state to be related to a Confederate soldier, a Mayflower passenger or a Cuisinart. But the Neurotic Parent Institute has heard that the UCs will be soon be offering the following awards to eligible students:

- New driver who was unfairly ticketed for rolling through a stop sign.

- Student whose hamster perished after a fall down the stairs.

- Facebook member with more than 1200 friends.

- Child of an early-model Prius owner.

- Descendant of someone who believed "Paul was dead" and played Beatles albums backwards for their friends.

- Child of a first-generation female blogger.

For more eclectic scholarships, log onto the UC app website before the server gets clogged.  And keep checking back – As the economic crisis worsens, we will keep you updated as new opportunities arise.

The Matthew Weinblatt Factor

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Every day our postman brings CJ five or six pieces of college-related mail, most of which comes from Washington University in St. Louis. 

[As discusssed in a previous post, WashUStL felt compelled to add the "in St. Louis" to its name, so people wouldn't confuse the top-rated mid-sized private school with the University of Washington (in Seattle) or the George Washington Univeristy (in D.C.) or countless other universities that have "Washington" somewhere in their name.]

Why does a school as prestigious and selective as WashUStL feel the need to bombard prospective freshmen with an endless stream of viewbooks, catalogs, pre-apps and invitations to information sessions? 

Many people believe that if it had a less confusing name it would not have to spend huge amounts on marketing.  But, in fact, WashUStL's p.r. problems have nothing to do with its silly moniker - Instead they are the result of one disgruntled student, now a junior, named Matthew Weinblatt (okay, that isn't his real name, but read on, and you'll see why I have to protect his identity.)

Matthew is a young man from a large west coast metropolis.  His story dates back to almost four years ago when he applied to Penn and was waitlisted.  He was pleased to get into WashU, but when he arrived there, he still had not gotten over Penn, and he abruptly decided that all the other students had lousy taste in music.  He came home for his first Thanksgiving and definitively shared his observation with everyone: The academics at WashUStL were fine but the entire student body had terrible playlists in their I-Pods. 

Thanks to Facebook and other social networks, this news spread quickly.  Soon high school students all over the country – like my son – refused to even read the WashU catalogs, let alone apply there.  The school was forced to embark on an expensive ad campaign, but because none of their brochures mentioned I-Pod selections, it will take them years to get back on track.

So if your child needs to add a great school to his or her list, WashU is the one.  Matthew Weinblatt isn't even there this year (he's abroad in a country known for its cutting-edge music), but his legacy lives on.  According to a recent NPI study, seventy percent of students in blue states still acknowledge that the Matthew Weinblatt Factor will keep them from applying to WashU  because attendance there could endanger the quality of their I-Pod selections…Urge yours to apply now before Matthew Weinblatt returns and changes his mind.

Snowfall and Windfall

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1.  Had conversations with three parents of happy freshmen who have chosen colleges in chilly, northern locations.  All mentioned that their daughters and sons had experienced their "first snowfall." (I assume they meant their first snowfall at college.)  Ah, the wonders of a November snow.  Let's see how they feel about it in March.

2.  One of the above astute parents accepted my challenge and found a typo in this blog – a misspelling of the word "restaurateur."  She receives a big shout-out. 

3. And now, the windfall: CJ's off-the-radar school with the "personal app" sent a formal acceptance, which arrived yesterday.  Informed him that he has been awarded a Presidential Scholarship, worth more than he could probably save after ten years in the work force.  Was he flattered? Yes.  Does he want to consider this school? No.  Will we gently coerce him to consider the offer? If possible, especially because then we get to gain a new perspective on the college visit – an Acccepted Student Weekend at the Honors College, when suddenly the buyer and seller roles have been reversed.

Hope and Change

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On November 13th, twelve hours after finding out about his first acceptance, CJ checked his application status for the very first university we had visited (pre-blog), a school that he had fallen in love with instantly.

There, on the screen was a new link "View Decision":

CONGRATULATIONS—You’re IN! 

 
The brief acceptance message included a link to a welcome video, with stately halls of learning, charismatic professors and a diverse group of smart-looking students frolicking together in the autumn splendor.
 
So, it's only November and we are pinching ourselves: Can this be real?  Can our lucky senior be "done" before most of his apps are even filled out?  No need for safeties any more – Should he just throw together a few essays for some reaches and call it a day? 
 
And what do I panic about now?  It's a good thing that the economy sucks, because between this and the election, I barely qualify for Neurotic Parent status anymore. I guess I can spend the next seven months finding things wrong with the institution that wants my son, but it's all unchartered territory from here.
 
But fear not, dear book publishers.  Within a day or so, the angst is bound to creep in, because now I must face the reality that my baby is actually leaving home.  On my honor, I will do my best to find conflict and chaos in the remaining steps of the Process and keep up the anxiety level of this blog.

Somebody Wants Him

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As if the world hadn't changed enough in the course of the last fortnight, CJ has received two life-changing emails yesterday.  The first is from a college that was not on his radar, but had made him an offer too good to refuse: a short no-fee "personal app", a four-week turnaround for a non-binding decision, and automatic consideration for a scholarship.

Congratulations!

You have been admitted, and we welcome you to the XX University family.
You will soon receive a formal admission letter and invitations to special programs for admitted students


 

Then, twelve hours later, another email arrived. 
 
More about that tomorrow.