Yale or No Yale

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Here are the stats of three superhuman kids we know who are applying Early Action to Yale University. 

Student A:

Caucasion male.  Attends top public school in a mid-Atlantic state.  Ranked #1 in his school.  2380 SAT, no prep, one sitting.  Captain, Varsity Cross Country.  Won a language prize and scholarship to spend a semester abroad as an exchange student.  Selected to do research in prestigous summer program - his evaluator said he has the one of the greatest scientific minds he has ever encountered.

Student B:

Caucasion male.  Attends top private school in a western state.  2380 SAT, no prep, one sitting.  4.0 unweighed.  School president.  Varsity Baseball.  Star of every school play – Performed at European arts festival.  Winner of national competitions for two musical instruments. 

Student C:

Caucasion male.  Double legacy.  Attends small private school in a western state.  Three-sport athelete.  2310 SAT, superscore.  A bona fide genius – 4.0 unweighted without studying.  Started his own internet business – has many customers in Asia.

Who gets in? Student A?  Student B? Student C? Neither? All?  You predict.

Xanax, Please

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Crunch time.  Unfortunately, I cannot give an accurate report about anything that is going on because at this point, everything about the app process has to remain top secret.  I will be attending a meeting tomorrow with dozens of other neurotic parents and three reassuring guidance counselors, but unfortunately, I will only be able to discuss on the pastry selection.

Meanwhile, while I ponder whether I need to change this to a recipe-sharing blog, if you're the parent of a senior, here is a list of people NOT to talk to between November 1st – March 29th:

- Parents of kids who went to college 3 years ago, when everything was different.

- Parents of Intel Award winners, Oboe Soloists and any sort of National Semi-finalist, especially if their kids are applying to the same schools as your child.

- Parents of recruited athletes, whose kids have already decided between three Ivies.

- Parents of relaxed, grounded kids who are only applying to two public schools – a match and a safety, and would be thrilled to go to either.

- Parents who say that "they all end up in the right place", and go on to tell you how much they themselves hated Princeton.

and, finally:

- English teachers who believe your child should not have used any forms of the verb "to be" in his/her essays.

Prayer for the SAT and SAT II – Day of the Dead Edition

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Prayer for the SAT

Here is a powerful, non-denominational prayer for those who wish to do well on the SAT and SAT II Exams tomorrow.  This can be recited aloud in the car on the way to the exam, or silently between sections.

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On this occasion of my (first, second, third) sitting for the SAT exams, I beseech the Almighty College Board to look over me and protect me from mis-bubbling.  Grant me the strength to avoid the Passive Voice in my essay.  Give me the focus to remember the properties of an f(x) = ax² +bx + c function, as well as the meaning of paucity.  May I stay awake through the Critical Reading section, even if I get a passage about the process of refining rice husks for Tibetan wax statues.  Bless my #2 pencils and protect their points; let me be forever grateful that they are not #1s nor #3s.  Save me from realizing at 4:00 AM on the morning of the test that I have left my TI-83 Calculator in the trunk of a friend’s car.  O College Board, provide me with the will to resist temptation if my classmates invite me to spend the night before the exam partying in a hot tub, as came to pass in a recent episode of The Gossip Girls. (Kaplan 119:9, 16)

 

For those taking the U.S. History SAT II exam, add this silent meditation:

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O College Board, Reward me for staying home on Halloween Eve by allowing me to recall the content of the 10th, 19th, 25th, 22nd and 18th Amendments.  And, because I have been a good customer who has paid to take your mandatory, monopolistic exams over and over again, may I fovever comprehend the significance of Taft-Hartley Act.

Alum Interview FAQs

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Here are three real questions posed to the Neurotic Parent over this incredibly anxious weekend – one week before ED apps are due:

Q: What should I wear to my alum interview?

A: Whatever you like.  All the alum interviewers we know have a story about the five terrific kids they recommended who were ultimately rejected.  And the one weirdo they blackballed who was accepted.

Q: My favorite movie is Superbad.  If my interviewer asks me about my taste in film, should I be honest?

A: It doesn't matter.  All the alum interviewers we know have a story about the five terrific kids they recommended who were ultimately rejected.  And the one weirdo they blackballed who was accepted.

Q: My main extracurricular is that I run our county's Obama campaign.  I just googled my alum interviewer and found out she donated $4800 to McCain.  What should I tell her that I do in my spare time?

A: Genome research.