I want to be, like, academically challenged

Last Thursday was College Night for Juniors at CJ's school  and he was invited to be a member of a student panel for rising seniors.  The intent of the panel was to demystify the college application process and provide sage advice for those about to embark on the journey. 

A few hours before the panel, CJ received an email from his dean listing possible topics of discussion. One was "What I did during the summer between 11th and 12th grade."  Because that summer was a full seven months ago, CJ had trouble remembering, but once he was reminded about his 8-hour a day summer job at a major concert venue, he felt prepared to serve on the panel. 

I asked if I could attend (after all, I always need blog material), but of course, I was the last person he wanted in the audience.

CJ said the evening went well, but I had to rely on parents of juniors for details.   One mom said her son thought the student panel was the highlight of the entire event, even better than essay advice from the University of Chicago admissions representative.  The mom said that panel consisted of kids who had been accepted early to NYU, Vassar, MIT and CJ's school, plus four who were waiting to hear. 

Her son had reported that although the students on the panel provided him with great tips, one panelist had constantly used the word "like."

I immediately assumed that CJ was the culprit because of his eight years at summer camp with valley kids.  How will he survive a freshman seminar at his prestigious college, I worried.  But when I confronted CJ with the news that kids were critiquing his diction, he laughed, then admonished me for jumping to conclusions.  He said that one of the other panelists had said "like" so much that it was, like, out of control. 

That student is waiting to hear about a full scholarship at Berkeley, where they do not require interviews.

Major Opportunity: A Faustian Scholarship

Dear CJ,

Congratulations on your early acceptance into University of XX. Please let me be one of the first to welcome you to the Class of 2013!
 
This is a great achievement and no doubt your family and friends are very proud of you. Your years of hard work and perseverance have paid off.  As you probably already know, XX is an elite institution rankedamong the top 10 universities nationally.  This year XX received 23,750 applications, of which only 457 were accepted as Early Decision.  Those accepted represent the nation’s top scholars and leaders.    

Now that you have been accepted to XX, the next hurdle is paying for your college education.  With tuition, fees, and books the total quickly adds up to a significant amount.  Over the course of four years at University of XX, this total comes out to more than $146,000, not including room and board. 
                                         
I am writing to personally invite you to apply for one of our full tuition scholarships.  Based on your academic success, I believe that you have the potential to earn an Army ROTC scholarship and be one of the elite few who join our ranks each year as freshmen at XX. 
 
Our prestigious scholarship is only offered to the best scholars, athletes and leaders who possess the most potential to excel both academically and militarily.  An Army ROTC scholarship pays 100% of your tuition plus a monthly stipend during the school year that starts at $300 your freshman year and rises to $500 by the time you are a senior.  In addition, an Army ROTC scholarship provides $600 per semester for books.  In all, a four year scholarship is worth approximately $162,000; the leadership experience is priceless.

Army ROTC students are just like every other student on campus, and many are active in fraternities, sororities, student government, and intramural sports.  Upon graduation from XX, students who complete the Army ROTC program are commissioned as Second Lieutenants in the Army.  Scholarship winners typically serve on active duty for four years after they graduate and are commissioned; however, there are other options for those who wish to serve part-time instead.
 
I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you again on your success and urge you to consider applying for our elite scholarship program.  I would be happy to answer any questions you may have; you can contact me at 1-555-555-5555, or by email .

Major X, (Female) ROTC Officer

University of XX

Yes - CJ really received this email…and not long after a reader asked me to uncover ways to get money to pay for college.  This might be the answer to everyone's tuition nightmares, while at the same time creating an opportunity to remake Private Benjamin for the 21st Century.
 

Spring Break for the New Economy

Mr. Neurotic Parent is concerned because we are about to spend our dwindling life savings on a costly private university, not to mention dozens of cross-country flights, a mini-refrigerator and a bean bag chair from Bed, Bath and Beyond. 

Yes, these are frugal times.  But spring break is coming up, and it might be the last occasion that our two children share the same April vacation dates. 

So Mr. NP consented to an inexpensive getaway, and after weeks on hold with the AAdvantage people, I managed to use mileage to procure four tickets to Belize.  There we will live in a jungle treehouse for 5 nights, then move to a shack on the beach. 

I was feeling proud of my budget vacation skills until I realized that we will be cave tubing in the rainforest without Verizon or Internet during the period when the majority of CJ's classmates (and the anonymous random neurotic students from College Confidential) receive their college acceptances. 

How will I function without my Blackberry? 

How will I live with the suspense? 

Surely there must be somewhere near the Guatemalan border with a proper business center.  Or I just might have to count on my kids' IT skills…They will surely find a way to get the news.

Desperate Cry for Help from a Reader

Dear Neurotic Parent,

I have enjoyed reading your blog for the last year, but it is not as fun for me any more because whenever I read it, all I can think about is how much we're spending for our daughter to study philosophy and Latin, two things she will never use in real life, at ________ (cool, prestigious liberal arts school.) 
 
Help!  Find us a grant or a scholarship.  $15,000 a year will help, but more will be appreciated.  This needs to be your new obsession.  You need to find some crazy loophole for money.  This is so you.  You've got to focus on this one. 
 
Everyone appreciates how funny and entertaining you are, but enough is enough.  I can't believe you haven't found some merit money for CJ yet.  I bet you have, and you're keeping it from us.  Please put your attentions to good use.
 
Your fan,
XXX
 
 
Dear XXX,
 
Thanks for your letter.  Just when I was all relaxed about the college process, you have elevated my anxiety to a new level.  I will get right on it.
 
Best regards,
The Neurotic Parent
 
 
 

Universities of Hope & Change

It's been a relatively slow news week for college admissions stories because we have had a change of government.  The Neurotic Parent Institute has researched where our new leaders attended college, law school and graduate school.  (DISCLAIMER: Research was conducted on Wikipedia, but everything seems accurate enough.)

So…Does it matter which school you go to?

Barack Obama – Occidental, Columbia, Harvard Law School

Joe Biden – University of Delaware, Syracuse Law School

Hillary Clinton – Wellesley, Yale Law School

Eric Holder – Columbia, Columbia Law School

Rahm Emanuel (Chief of Staff) – Sarah Lawrence, Northwestern

Tom Daschle (Health & Human Services Secy) - South Dakota State

David Axelrod (Sr. Advisor) – Univ. of Chicago

Valerie Jarrett (Sr. Advisor) – Stanford, Univ. of Michigan Law School

Susan Rice (UN Ambassador) – Stanford, Oxford

Robert Gibbs (Press Secy) – North Carolina State

Janet Napolitano (Homeland Security) – Santa Clara University, Univ. of Virginia

Desiree Rogers (White House Social Secy) – Wellesley, Harvard

Gregory Craig (White House Counsel) – Harvard, Cambridge, Yale Law School

Timothy Geithner (Treasury Secy-Designate) – Dartmouth, Johns Hopkins

Ken Salazar (Secy of Interior) – Colorado College, University of Michigan Law School

Steven Chu (Secy of Energy) – Univ. of Rochester, UC Berkeley

Eric Shinseki (Secy of Veteran Affairs) – U.S. Military Academy, Duke

Hilda Solis (Secy of Labor) – Cal Poly, Pomona, USC

Lawrence Summers (Natl. Economic Council Director) – MIT, Harvard

Reggie Love (Personal Aide to the President) – Duke

And, newly updated:

Jon Favreau (Speechwriting Director) – College of the Holy Cross  (Thanks to a reader for correcting me on this – I originally mixed him up with the actor/director, who went to Queens College in NY.  And how bizarre is it that there are two almost-famous people named Jon Favreau?)