Mom for a Day

Just a few days ago I was sitting at home with a box of Kleenex, desperately missing my first born.  Now, everything has changed.  I managed to finagle a free 24-hour stopover at his campus during massive business trip.  And I am thrilled to report that, other than some disturbing laundry issues, CJ has actually morphed into….a college student.

The highlights:

- THE EXTRA-CURRICULARS: Our emotional reunion started off with a passionate request: "Mom, can you take me and two of my friends to Goodwill to get outfits for tailgate?  I think we know how to get there."  We never did locate the Goodwill, but the boys put together the perfect fashion statement at Ross Dress for Less – matching silk autumn-motif caftans, beanies, hot pink sunglasses and coordinating belts.

- THE FRIENDS: CJ seemed to know just about everyone on campus and 100% of those that he introduced me to were smart, funny, polite and diverse.  Having just read the NY Times piece about how your friends' behavior influences who you become, I felt relieved.  CJ has chosen the nicest group to misbehave with.

- THE FOOD: We had lunch in the dining hall, which was really more of an upscale food court, offering Asian, Mexican, Italian, BBQ, vegetarian and salad bar selections.  I was about to go for the salad bar, but I could practically see the swine viruses lurking on the tongs.  Fortunately there was another soup and salad station, with mushroom barley that truly would have been excellent, had it been warm.

- THE ROOM/ROOMMATE: Yes, CJ's room could have used a thorough vacuuming, but it wasn't nearly as smelly and disgusting as many of the dorms we had seen on our college tour.  CJ and his roommate have not become inseparable buddies, but they seemed content to be in the same space…and the two even took on a redecorating project together in my presence.   Plus they share a fascinating passion: intramural flag football. 

- THE POSTERS: My boy, on his own, has shopped for art!  Above his desk was a cool wanna-be lithograph featuring multiple images of a twentieth century turntable…the kind that dominated my own college experience.  And the second work CJ purchased also conveyed a powerful retro statement – Directly above his bed is a giant rendering of the mighty "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".

- THE TECHNOLOGY: Unlike the loving parents we know, we are very mean and thus far have not provided a giant flat-screen television for our son.  But his strong survival skills led him to befriend a pair down the hall who have THREE giant flat-screen televisions.  (Both students received full scholarships with allowances for purchasing electronics…so they have set up what is, in essence, a sports bar, and the tv-less CJ has become a regular.)

- THE DINNER: It might have been nice to have some alone time with my offspring, but the conversation probably would have focused exclusively on why he hadn't changed his sheets in over a month, and that could have caused our relationship to deteriorate.  So, to find out a few details about his new life, I invited FCT (Former Compulsive Texter – remember her from the college tour?…She and CJ have been together since kindergarten and the adventure continues.)  Unlike CJ, FCT actually enjoys informing adults about occurences in her life.  She had just finished a five-page essay, and in a celebratory mood, was willing to provide anecdotes about everything…except the women in CJ's life (She obviously had been warned).

- THE CLASSES: Mysteriously, although CJ has had a few quizzes and handed in several assignments, NOTHING has yet been graded…But if there were a grade for tailgate attire, my well-adjusted freshman would be #1 on the dean's list.

A Funny Video Not Written by the Neurotic Parent

I am on the road for business.  There should be news to report mid-week because I have conveniently scheduled a meeting with my son…who finally initiated a call with us (okay, it was to let us know his wallet was stolen, but at least he got in touch).

While I have to devote my creative energies to my real work, I will keep my readers entertained with college-related musings by other people.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/facebook_twitter_revolutionizing?utm_source=videoembed

The kids are alright….But the moms are not

I've been trying for several days to post a cartoon here.  I usually take pride in my copying and pasting skills, but I'm going to have to get Mr. NP's help with this one.

Meanwhile, the report from the field:

- Moms are not doing well.  Many have not slept.  One stayed in bed for several days eating tapioca.  Others spend most of their time discussing their fears about Swine '09 with their manicurists.  But the smart ones got right on a plane after move-in and headed to London.

- Dads are deeply invested in their midlife crises.  Lots of surfing, biking, running, yoga, Facebooking and purchasing kitchen equipment.

- Boys, especially CJ, are hopeless at communication.  He does answer texts, usually within 36 hours, but mostly with one-word mispellllled responses, with extra letters for emphasis.  Occasionally says he is tired, especially the day after tailgates.  Frustratingly, has been rumored to have participated in lengthy i-chats with high school friends.

- Girls complain non-stop the first two weeks about: Too much reading, Art History is not challenging enough, Nerdy roommate, Partying roommate, Food, Weather, Missing their Friends.  After two weeks, they all seem to be fine.

- Parents of older kids confirm over and over again that no news is good news.  Three report that only time they heard from their sons and daughters during freshman year was when they were in police custody.

- A reader has asked that I give tips on how to re-ignite your relationship with your spouse.  Will have to devote a separate post to that one…Maybe see Julie & Julia together…Or, for coziness, perhaps the two of you could spend a night in your son/daughter's empty bed.

- Mr. NP is my hero.  He managed to transport the cartoon, sent to me by Mikado Mom, whose wonderful son spent his birthday yesterday at NYU.  Here it is:


Untitled

Now what?

To those have requested details about the functionality of slim hangers, I do intend to publish more move-in tips.  But I'm now convinced that it doesn't matter what you bring…The whole shopping thing is just a pricey time killer designed to distract you from that inevitable surreal moment when you give up your child and head back home a confused, teary, empty old person facing a long, sad existential crisis.

Yes, this is the emotional abyss I now share with most of my son's classmates' moms and dads.  With that in mind, the Neurotic Parent is proud to offer emergency survival tips to those who just cannot cope with the loss of their older, younger or (gulp) only child.

1. Pretend that your son or daughter went to camp.  For four years.

2.  Get a dog.  Name it after your son or daughter.  How cute it will be when Justin comes home for Thanksgiving and finds another furry little Justin in the house, one that not only obeys curfew, but is always fast asleep by 9 pm.

3.  Remember…They're not sad.  They're tailgating and reading Sartre and running the Naked Mile.  They're FREE….And they might even learn to think on a higher level and unlock the secrets of a new field, like neuroeconomics.

4.  Plan a meeting 300 miles from your son or daughter's college and use it as an excuse to pop in and take him and his new friends to dinner.  Blame it on JetBlue's schedules.  (Seriously, I was heartbroken until I implemented this.)

5.  If applicable, begin helicoptering and micromanaging your younger child.  (Unfortunately this is not working for me.  I haven't even gotten it together to make plans for BH's 16th birthday next week, or order his books on time.)

6.  Send care packages and cheery notes to the numerous college students who were quarantined with Swine '09 just days after they arrived on campus.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/05/us/05flu.html?hpw

7.  Become addicted to Facebook.  Spy on your kid…Google everyone he or she has friended. Play Wordscraper with your former attorney.  Find comfort in the posts of other parents.  Here is one mom's status:

kleenex,1 trip to Duane Reade, 2 trips to Staples, 3 trips to Bed Bath & Beyond, more kleenex, and a boy in college

8.  And…the best suggestion of all – Look for the silver lining.  One intuitive almost-perfect friend with impeccable taste cried for several days, until she realized that she now could delete her Dartmouth-bound son's seasons passes on Tivo…Although a seemingly learned scholar, his list of top t.v. shows included SuperJail, Nitro Circus www.nitrocircus.com and ManAnswers www.spike.com.  But she chose to keep Top Gear, a show about three macho British race car drivers, to watch on those lonely nights when she really misses her boy.

This prompted me to check CJ's Tivoed faves.  He mostly watches Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday Night football – good riddance to those (sorry BH).  But I just couldn't bring myself to delete his 10 seasons of Friends.  I had thought about studying Italian or designing an outdoor living room, but now I will have a way to keep nostalgically busy - and be reminded of my son's shallow taste in entertainment – every night until Thanksgiving.

 

Yaaa

Below is the extent of our son's communication with us (by BBM), since we dropped him off.  Our A/A-student seems to have picked up a multiple final letter texting disability,making him sound like a preteen Jonas Brothers fan.

Did you like your compsci seminar? Yaaa

How was the activity fair? Funn

The convocation photos look cool – Greattt

Is it still as hot as when we dropped you off?  Nooo

How was brunch? Goood

Have you done the laundry? Yaaa

And…the only info he's volunteered:

I've been playing a ton of ping pong.  (Finally – No immature multiple letters…But he did add a "ha ha")